A Christmas to Remember
by classicdoctorwhorocks
Summary: It is the Doctor's first Christmas at UNIT, and he's sure he isn't going to enjoy the festivities... however, throwing in him, him, him, him, him, him, him, him, and him should jazz things up a bit! This is sure to be a Christmas to remember... but will it be memorable for the right reasons?
1. Chapter 1

**Before any of you say anything, I am fully aware that it's September. This story has been brewing for a while, and I've decided to go for it. Okay?**

**Good.**

…**I'm talking to myself again, aren't I? **

A Christmas to Remember

Jo looked despairingly over at her friend. Surely it wasn't so hard to make a Time Lord enjoy Christmas for once?

'Come on, Doctor!' She said, in the most jovial tone she could manage through gritted teeth. 'Why be so cautious on Christmas Eve? Christmas is a time for enjoying yourself!'

'That's as may be, Jo, but aliens seem to have a thing for Christmas, for some unknown reason,' replied the Doctor from underneath his laboratory bench. 'Considering it's one of the most insignificant occasions in the galaxy…'

'But it's celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ!'

'I know. I'm sure Mary and Joseph were delighted. They really were a lovely couple.' The Doctor looked over at Jo, who was staring at him open-mouthed, and smiled playfully. 'You recall, Jo, that there were three wise men in the story…' Before Jo could regain her speech, Benton poked his head around the door.

'The party's got going, Jo, Doctor. You coming?'

'I'm sorry Sergeant, but I really am very-'Before the Doctor could finish his sentence, Jo took his hand, and dragged him protesting down the corridor.

The party was already in full swing. Most of the men had brought something for the party, including Captain Yates, who had turned up with about two gallons of his sister's best fruit punch, which apparently had quite a kick to it. Some of the men who had sampled the punch had already got drunk, and Yates, who was enjoying himself immensely, had already fallen through the same window twice.

'For pity's sake Jo, what on earth are you wearing on your head?'

'It's a Santa hat!'

'Is it really? I just wondered. You see, there's a certain species of humanoids who have a similar sort of hat. Except it's not.'

'Not what?' Jo asked, looking slightly worried.

'Not a hat. It's actually a peculiar, weasel-like creature which until quite recently resided on the purple shores of Defgarte. You had to cut the head off, dye it white, and then sew it back on to be worn. Eventually, so many people took a fashion to them that the species died out. Of course, apart from that, these- ahem- "Santa hats" are nothing like them. Even if they do look rather similar…' Jo had by now gone slightly green, and gingerly took the hat off, causing her short hair to poof out in all directions from the static electricity.

'Oh, hello, Brig!' The leader walked up to them unsteadily.

'Good morning, Miss Grant.' He swayed slightly as he spoke.

'Um, it's the evening, Brigadier.' The Doctor looked quite amused.

'You've had some of Mike's fruit punch, I see,' He observed. The Brigadier nodded, then wished he hadn't, as the already strange-looking assembly hall began to spin.

'Benton!' The tall sergeant magically appeared from the crowd, next to the Doctor. 'Would you be so kind as to take the Brigadier somewhere secluded so he can get his bearings?'

'Right, Doctor. Follow me, sir.' As the two soldiers exited the crammed room, somebody put on "Walking in a Winter Wonderland", and many of the men began to either swing their heads to the classic tune, or hum gently.

'Oh, come on Doctor!' Jo said exasperatedly. 'How long is it going to be before you can actually enjoy yourself? Get up and dance with me… please?'

'I can't, Jo!' The Doctor snapped. 'There's danger in the air. I can feel it.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake! Can't you just… what's that noise?'

'By Rassilon…' The Doctor looked urgent. 'That's the TARDIS! Someone must be tampering with-'

'But the noise is in here!' Most of the men had stopped, and the record had stopped. The very air seemed to ripple, as a powerful force seemed to be trying to rip it to pieces.

Benton chose that moment to stride back in.

'What did I miss?' he said cheerfully. 'Sorry I took a while, the Brig was sick all over my shoes, so I had to go and… oh.' He and the rest of the company watched dumbfounded as the TARDIS appeared. However, there was something different about it.

'A different TARDIS…' muttered the Doctor. 'Future or past, I wonder?' Before he could wonder further, another TARDIS appeared. And another. Before any of UNIT could open their mouths, nine blue phone boxes were stood in the assembly hall, as the soldiers edged cautiously around them, whispering uncertainly.

Suddenly, one of the doors opened, and a head popped out. It was a middle-aged man, who had black hair which fell down to his eyes. He was wearing Edwardian style clothes and shoes, all of which were far too small for a man of such a height. Upon seeing the terrified soldiers, the man's eyebrows shot upwards.

'Oh my giddy aunt! How did that happen?' As if on cue, more men began to emerge from the TARDIS replicas. Only one thing was the same among these strange men.

The quiet gleam of power in their eyes.

The eyes of a Time Lord.

At that moment, Benton voiced the thought which was running through the heads of everybody in the room:

'God help us all.'


	2. Chapter 2

Morning broke upon UNIT headquarters, which lay in a dishevelled mess. Several men were stretched out on the floor of the Brigadier's office. Although this was normal after a legendary UNIT party, what wasn't normal was the fact that three of the four people were the same man. The fourth was the Brigadier.

Outside on the lawn, which was covered by a thin layer of frost, a young man wearing a kilt and a turtleneck sweater was playing on an ancient swing-ball set, which had been unearthed from a cupboard to keep the massive amount of companions occupied. Beside him, a girl wearing a sparkly catsuit and a tired expression watched listlessly.

'Ha!' The boy turned to look at her triumphantly, the ball on the long string missing his ear by half an inch. 'How was tha', Zoe?'

'Very good, Jamie,' sighed Zoe. 'Though may I remind you that you don't have to shout your battle cry every single time you take a swing…'

'Och, well. Here we go again; CREAG-AN-TUIRE, CREAG-AN-TUIRE, CREAG-AN-TUIRE, CREAG- _OUCH!'_

'Yes, well,' said Zoe, as the Scot rubbed the growing lump on the back of his head gingerly, 'I think we'd better go get the chess set, don't you?'

Meanwhile in the office, the Doctor, the Doctor, and the Doctor awoke. To see the Brigadier looking sternly down at them.

'Brigadier, my dear fellow,' A Doctor with full cricket gear and blonde hair said cheerfully. 'How nice to see you again… Oh, hang on. Too early.'

'I've never seen you in my life,' the Brigadier declared. 'Now, who are you two, and how did you get in?'

'Oh, we're the Doctor,' the curly-haired brunette with an abnormally long scarf said gravely. The Brigadier gaped.

'All three of you? How many are there exactly?'

'Well, technically there's only one.'

'But, for your benefit,' Doctor Number 2 added hastily, as the Brigadier turned purple, 'there's eleven of us.' The Brigadier was about to make a comment about where the Doctor stuck his noses during a party, when Sergeant Benton stuck his head in.

'Oh, hello sir. Good to see you Doctor… and Doctor… and Doctor.'

'Morning Benton. Merry Christmas. How come you've not got a hangover like the rest of us?' The Brigadier said, slightly bitterly.

'Well, if you'd seen what I saw last night, you'd never touch a drop of alcohol again. Only myself, Doctor Number 1 and Jamie McCrimmon haven't had any.'

'Is that so? Right. I'd like a full, unbiased account of what went on last night. At the double, Sergeant!'

'Are you quite, quite sure, sir?'

'Get on with it!' The Sergeant took a deep breath, and began.

'At about 8 o'clock, Captain Yates brought thirty bottles of his mixture, while the Doctor- the 3rd one, I mean- picked up some "strong stuff" from his home planet. At 9 o'clock, about half the men, including you sir, had had at least one bottle of both. At half past, you threw up in the side office, shortly before the arrival of Doctors 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11.

10 o'clock. Doctors 3, 4, 6, 11 and 8 plus Romana and Zoe got into a fight.

Their discussion involved whether or not e=mc squared. 1 broke up the fight by claiming that e equals mc times interstitial time cubed. That seemed to shut them up.

Number 5- that's you- proposed a cricket match to lighten up the mood a little. It didn't work. For one thing, Miss Leela kept attacking anyone who came near her side of the field after being told to "defend the stumps". The game ended when Yates knocked Doctors 2, 5 and 4 out with his bat, shortly before hitting himself with it.

At about 11 o'clock, Doctor 8 revealed that time lords have about the same immunity to influences of alcohol as the average housefly.

At 11 o'clock and 0.01 minutes, Doctors 8, 7 and 9 fell through the same window. At the same time.

Meanwhile, you, sir, had been having an interesting conversation with me about whether life was really worth it. After assuring you it was, I knocked you out, and put all four of you out here. Four men are suffering from shock, Doctor 1 attempted to climb onto the roof, and another fourteen men plus Miss Grant are still unconscious. That's what happened.'

There was a short silence after Benton had finished, before the Brigadier spoke.

'Why on earth did you knock me out?'

'I'm sorry sir. It's just that you'd just made a very impressive point on how life isn't worth it, and your brain went into self-denial, causing you to claim in front of your men that you were a very interesting species of mollusc. So it was for the best, really.'

'…Ah.'

'Plus you'd been sick on my shoes, and I was still a bit angry about that.'

'Well, no harm done, eh Benton?' Five said. 'Lovely to see you too, by the way.'

'Same. But you may want to look outside…'


	3. Chapter 3

Jo lifted her head slightly, moaning. She had no idea how the Gallifreyans got that much alcohol in one drink, but apparently nobody could take it.

She suddenly realized there was a man sitting on her bedside. She sat up.

'Who are you?' The man turned. Despite looking like a ginger-haired schoolboy on a field trip, there was a certain…_ aloneness_ about him which indicated he was not of this world.

'My name is Vislor Turlough,' He said with an eerie smile. 'I was instructed to wait until you awoke, and then inform your Doctor. Come with me.' Jo stood up, trying not to sway too much, and followed Turlough out of the infirmary.

'Didn't you have anything to drink, Turlough?' Jo asked. The boy gave a thin smile.

'I did. My kind have a much better immunity to such… intoxications than humans, or Trakens, for that matter. You really are a rather pathetic species, you know.'

'And a merry Christmas to you too,' Jo grumbled. She felt somehow insulted that this rather weedy-looking being could wake up in the morning perfectly fine while she couldn't.

They took a shortcut across the lawn, where about twenty companions huddled gloomily around the abandoned swingball. As they passed the sign for UNIT HQ, they came across a bedraggled girl, who was stretched out asleep across some cricket equipment. As they came closer, the girl's eyes snapped open, and she screamed savagely at them.

'DIE!'

'Leela, the match finished ten Earth hours ago,' Turlough informed her tiredly.

'The stumps are still here, aren't they?'

'Well yes, but-'

'DIE!'

'Oh, shut up,' Turlough muttered mutinously, as they passed the gibbering woman on their way.

'It's not really her fault,' Turlough said to Jo. 'She thinks that being batter is code for "Defend those stumps with your life". Four'll sort her out when he comes. Here we are.'

Three rushed out of the door to meet Jo.

'Good girl Jo!' He said happily. 'I think I've finally found out who is responsible for this bothersome trap. Who has made it so only my TARDIS works…'

'Who?' Jo demanded.

'Her name is… Classicdoctorwhorocks.'

'Classicdoctorwhorocks?' Jo mused. 'That sounds familiar. Isn't she part of a fanfiction website or something?'

'Yes and no. Yes, she is part of a website which creates stories about me and my other selves. But… it's not fiction. Classicdoctorwhorocks is a Time Lady who was banished in discrace from Gallifrey. Now she lives in a cave in an unplotted part of space, and manipulates my lives for her own entertainment.'

'That's not very nice,' said a passing thing.

'Indeed. Hang on, what?'

'Bet she's having a right laugh right now,' the thing added.

'Great Jesophat!' The Doctor exclaimed. 'That… whatever it was is right! I won't let that young upstart get the better of us, and neither will I!' He turned, and spoke into the nearest intercom.

'All of me and my companions gather next to the TARDIS in the laboratory. And for Rassilon's sake get a move on!'

~DW~

'Whose bright idea was this again?' Number 7 grumbled to Number 2, as they struggled in the packed console room. 'Oh, that's right. Me.'

'Will you please stop referring to me as you- I mean, me.'

'You're just trying to give me a headache!'

'QUIET!' Everyone turned to look at Rory Williams, who had bellowed over the mob.

'Um, please.' He added nervously.

'You heard him, peoples!' His wife said loudly. 'Number 3's trying to concentrate!' Everyone turned to look at Jo's Doctor, who was fingering the console with a puzzled look on his face.

'That's odd,' he said. 'All the figures have gone blank. It's almost as if…' His eyes widened in panic. 'Everybody out of the TARDIS, quickly!' Jamie, who was nearest to the door, ran straight through. About halfway through the door, he realized he was heading into the Time Vortex. He rotated his arms frantically, until Zoe grabbed him by the collar and hauled him back.

'Oh, this is bad,' the Doctor muttered. 'Bad, bad, very bad indeed…'

'What's bad?' All ten other Doctors burst out.

'Can't you see? The reason only my TARDIS is working is because Classicdoctorwhorocks wants us all in the same place to make us easier to control! She's- no, _I've _led all of us into a trap!'

'Very astute, Doctor…' said a sinister voice. 'Now, let's make things more exciting, shall we?' There was a silence. Suddenly there was a yell.

'Romana!'

'Zoe!'

'Ace!' The Doctors yelled for their rapidly disappearing companions, until only they were left in the console room.

'What in the name of Rassilon are you playing at? Where are they?'

'Far beyond your help,' the female voice said silkily. 'But you may watch them.' The image of the Time Vortex faded from the scanner screen, and the Doctors waited in silence for Classicdoctorwhorocks's games to begin…


End file.
